Postnatal and Parenting

For partners

For partners

Congratulations. You have become (or are about to become) the supporting parent of your new little baby. Supporting partners have a very special role in the life of their new baby in addition to being there for the new mother. Children who have an involved partner parent are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.

It is important to realise that with parenting there is no one best way. Many States and territories in Australia have support groups for parents. If you are a male parent, you will find groups just for men, which are often run by men, to assist you in adjusting. The Resources also contains contact information for parenting, relationships advice and support.

Relationships

You have more than likely spent considerable time preparing for the birth of your new baby. But even with all the preparation of antenatal classes, reading books and searching the Web, you may not have thought how this may affect your relationship with your partner. New parents face significant challenges not only learning to cope with the demands of pregnancy, childbirth and the early months of parenthood, but also in expanding their relationship to make room for their new baby in their immediate and wider families.

It is normal to experience a range of different emotions as you adjust to becoming a family. In addition, ongoing physical health problems in the new mother may contribute to relationship difficulties in the first year after childbirth. And if that’s not enough, well-meaning relatives and friends have all sorts of personal stories and advice about parenting, and family members may drop by unexpectedly or schedule regular visits to see your new baby.

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What if I am struggling with my new role as a parent?

Partners play a key role in the health and wellbeing of the family. Unlike mothers, partners do not go through all the physical changes of pregnancy and giving birth so they may not begin to adjust to parenthood until the baby is born. Some partners may struggle to adapt when the family dynamics change and may feel unsure about their place in the family. Others may end up needing to be the main caregiver for the family, which can be very demanding and exhausting, particularly when they are unable to get other support. Partners also need to take care of their emotional health and seek help for themselves if they experience symptoms of depression or anxiety. About 1 in 20 men will experience depression in the year following the birth of their child.

The following are a few suggestions from Beyond Blue and other resources on some ways that partners can take care of themselves and their relationship:

  • One of the best things you can do to keep your relationship on track is to talk with your partner, both before and after the birth. Who will do what around the house? How much time will you each spend with your baby? How do you each feel about the changes you have to make?
  • Communicate well and often. Don’t allow small things to blow out, don’t criticise one another, work on solving problems together
  • Nurture your relationship with your partner spending quality time (at least a couple of hours once a week) together
  • Be aware that tiredness and sleep deprivation can make you feel irritable. Maintaining a sense of humour can help
  • During conflicts or arguments try to avoid personal attacks and focus on the action or behaviour
  • Talk to friends or colleagues who've recently become parents. You'd be surprised how much you have in common now
  • Have a check-up with your GP in the year after the birth. If you're feeling tired, cranky and low in energy, it might be postnatal fatigue (partners can get it too)
  • Be aware of your own health and wellbeing. Make sure you exercise, relax and set aside time for yourself
  • Don't expect to be a superhero! You can't always fix everything that goes wrong
  • Let your employer and colleagues know if you're not getting much sleep. Try to arrange your work hours to suit family life
  • Think about the sort of partner and parent you want to be and work out how you can achieve those goals
  • Find someone you can talk to honestly about your feelings and how your new role is affecting you - this may be your partner, a friend, a family member or a counsellor

There is additional information for partners in the Resources under the headings: Relationships, Support for fathers/parenthood, and Parenting and raising children.